Austin’s Story

Gender:  male

Sexuality: gay

Pronouns:  he/him

Current home: Baltimore, Maryland

From:  Alexandria, Virginia

Cultural Background/Identity: White

I was born male and for my whole life I’ve always identified as a man. That’s not to say, however, that I’ve always had a clear idea of what “man,” “male,” or “masculine” actually entail. It doesn’t help, of course, that so many things in our world are arbitrarily deemed “masculine” or “feminine,” herded into narrow categories by our cultural history and societal expectations.

I was a skinny, soft-spoken child who spoke a little too enthusiastically with his hands, disliked sports, and preferred reading, drawing, or cooking.  Of course, such things are fine, and maybe even endearing, in a small child, but after that they’re not as celebrated.  Once puberty hits, we’re expected to fit neatly into the roles that our society has laid out for us, and my fellow middle-schoolers never missed a chance to let me (or anyone else) know when we deviated from our prescribed roles. Like so many others before and since, I learned to police my words, my body language, and my (expressed) interests.

At this time in my life, I also grew into physical masculinity, shooting up past six feet, and finding my way to athletics – especially rowing and later, weight-lifting. (I never did develop any interest in professional sports, or any sports outside of those few at which I was capable.)  Embodying physical masculinity in this way helped to lessen the perceived stigma of other activities and interests not typically within the masculine sphere, as did overall maturity and cultivation of a group of friends who didn’t worry about such things.

At the same time, I began to unravel questions about my sexual orientation. Realizing that I didn’t fit into the narrow heterosexual paradigm also helped me relax my ideas about my own gender.  If I already don’t conform to traditionally accept idea of maleness when it comes to who I’m attracted to, why should I worry about traditionally accepted ideas of maleness in other parts of my life?

At this point in my life, I no longer worry about whether a particular activity or interest is “masculine” or” feminine.” Instead, I approach it on my own terms: is it something that appeals to me? Is it something that I want?  Maybe simply based on the fact that I identify as masculine, any activities I partake in are, by definition, masculine.

Is this me becoming comfortable in my own gender or is it simply the growing security in myself that comes with getting older?  Whatever it is, I’m happy to have it. Worrying too much about what others think is not worth it to me anymore. I will do what I want to do and be who I want to be, secure in myself and my own idea of being a man, regardless of how masculine or feminine others might think it.

Photos taken April 2025