Kenneth’s Story

Gender: Transman

Sexuality: Queer

Pronouns: he/him

Current home & From: Hampton Roads, Virginia

Interests: Pharmacist, D&D player, suitmaker

When I was four, I told my parents that I wanted to be the Pope. That was the first time I remember trying to use what limited vocabulary I had to express who I was. Then I wanted to be Jerome Bettis. Then I wanted to be Derek Jeter. But as a kid growing up Catholic, these dreams were limited to maybe being a nun, or being the baseball team manager. Even after leaving the Church, the culture had me fully repressed and terrified that my family would reject me for being trans. I tried everything to try to stop – even going so far as to get a breast augmentation. A boob job. I thought maybe if I looked more feminine, I’d be more feminine. It didn’t work.

I finally came out as trans in 2021, apparently surprising very few people in my family. At the same time, I started a new job, and it was in that moment I knew I had to make a choice.  I had started hormone therapy, sure, but it didn’t undo the previous surgery. I still looked, and sometimes I feel like I still look, very much like a woman. I knew what people saw when they looked at me, and I knew “Kenneth” would not be the name people would expect to read on my name tag. I knew what putting the truth on that name tag would do – it would immediate out me as trans.

The second line of the Oath of the Pharmacist says “I will promote inclusion, embrace diversity, and advocate for justice to advance health equity.” If I was afraid of outing myself to my technicians, what was I saying about my pharmacy?  If I felt that I wouldn’t be safe being trans at my pharmacy, how could I ethically allow trans patients to come to my pharmacy? If I wasn’t safe, then my patients wouldn’t be safe, but how would I know that unless I tested the waters myself? And so, on the first day of my new job, I was handed my name tag with the name I requested. Kenneth. Pharmacist.

There are still days where I struggle. There are days where I wonder if any of this is even worth it. There are days where I get called ma’am so many times, I begin to wonder if I dreamt my top surgery.  Days where I wonder if it would have been easier to finish out my life as a woman. And it would have been. It would have been so much easier, but I have to remind myself that I deserve better.

I have a family now. I have a daughter for whom I would do anything. I have two incredible partners who love me. I deserve better than to live a lie, and they deserve better than to live with a liar. But as happy and fulfilled as I feel, I still worry a lot. Hatred for trans people is rising, and I worry about my family getting hurt because of who I am. My happiness seems to always be tainted by moments of panic, and I deserve better than that. My family deserves better than that. Our community deserves better than that. We deserve more happiness, and fewer moments of panic.