Javier’s story

Gender:  male

Sexuality: gay

Pronouns: he/him

Current home: Maryland

From: New Jersey

Cultural Background/Identity: Cuban/Spanish

Interests: I’m a small business owner, conservationist, and LGBTQ+ advocate who loves bubble baths, hiking, swimming, tennis, dogs, and values family, community, and the environment.

I grew up in a traditional Hispanic household where there were clear expectations for how men and women were supposed to behave. Men were meant to be strong, stoic providers – emotions tucked away, self-care kept to a minimum. Women were expected to be nurturing and delicate. None of that ever really felt right to me. I’ve always believed that identity,  gender or otherwise, shouldn’t come with a set of rigid rules. But it took me time, courage, and a lot of unlearning to fully embrace that truth.

Coming out was one of the most defining moments of my life. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. Over time, I found love, got married, and began living the life I always dreamed of – one filled with honesty, joy, and authenticity. I’m grateful every day that my family embraced me for who I am. Their acceptance helped reinforce something I now carry into every area of my life: the importance of showing up fully as yourself.

That belief is what inspired me to create TOA Waters, a luxury self-care small business that breaks gender stereotypes – starting in the bathroom. In today’s world, it still surprises people when a man enjoys a bubble bath. Why? Because somewhere along the way, we were told that taking time to care for yourself made you “less of a man.”  On the flip side, women are often told that their products need to be soft, floral, or pink, and that they must smell like a bouquet of roses after every bath. 

We’re challenging that by saying to men: Go ahead and soak. Take that bubble bath. You’re allowed to care for your mind and body without worrying about being judged. And to women: You don’t have to smell like roses and sliced cucumbers unless you want to. Scents aren’t gendered.  Preferences are personal.  So, I design products that are made for anyone who wants to indulge without being boxed in.  Yes, it’s just a bubble bath, but it’s also a bigger statement. One that says: you get to define your identity, your rituals, your self-care, and your scent.  I want to remind people that being yourself, unapologetically, is always enough.

PHOTOGRAPHER’S NOTE:
When I met with Javier, we talked about the complex intersections of gender, sexuality, and cultural identities – from his beautiful embrace of Catholicism despite being unable to marry in his own church, to something as simple as bubble baths. Even small choices like these can feel complicated when marketing enforces rigid definitions of binary genders. I personally love Dr. Squatch deodorant – apparently made “for manly men,” but really, it’s just choosing things that work for me, whether it’s supposed to be gendered or not. 

I don’t normally make product plugs on these platforms, but I’m happy to here.  You know what I dislike more than gendered bath products?  Bath bombs … filled with glittery things (I know, queer people are supposed to like glitter & sparkles right?  Just not on me and not in my bathtub please!).   So, Javier just designed the ONLY liquid bath bombs out there, full of earthy scents and all natural ingredients.  I haven’t tried the bath bombs yet, but took home a bottle of bubble bath to unwind after my D.C. trip. Even my partner – still unpacking his own gendered expectations – didn’t bat an eye at the bottle’s classy, neutral design (my unconventionally gendered products occasionally draw a judgy comment haha).  Thank you, Javier, for a thoughtful conversation and a fun afternoon shooting and gathering magnolia petals in the park!

Photos taken in April2025