Fox’s Story

Gender:  transmasculine nonbinary 

Sexuality:  ace spec/panromantic 

Pronouns: it/its, he/him/they 

Current home:  Winchester ,Virginia 

From:  New Bedford, Massachusetts 

Cultural background/identity: Irish/French Canadian 

Interests: Singing, gender-affirming voice practice, political and social activism, painting 

The first time I truly felt my body and the autonomy over my body was two months after top surgery. I was at a NATS audition (National Association of Teachers of Singing). I was standing in an unfamiliar room with some unfamiliar and familiar faces. When I began to sing I noticed something was different. Suddenly I am aware of buzzing in the mask of my face, I feel air fill my lungs with each inhale. I’m realizing that my hands are MINE and I am capable of reaching out and grabbing what I want. My entire body is feeling emotions. I’ve only ever FELT in my head before… the human body is capable of feeling… its body? I was quickly becoming overwhelmed by this phenomenon and then I remembered I had to keep singing. So, I sang each piece I had prepared and I FELT more and more by each phrase. 

When it was over I rode that high for the rest of the day and into the night – gosh I barely slept! I was euphoric for months! My feelings had just begun. 

I’ve always been a musician, an artist. I cannot imagine existing in this life and not creating. To me, it was obvious to go to college for music, specifically to sing. But in my senior year of high school, everyone I knew was shocked at my decision. They’d say “I assumed you’d be an instrumentalist, but not a singer.”  I was embarrassed and offended by the responses at first. I had great pride and confidence as an instrumentalist but singing was always fundamental to my soul. I didn’t realize until my college senior recital that for so many years I was hiding behind my instruments literally and metaphorically. When I started feeling my body sing is when I finally began to accept and appreciate my true resilience. 

This is what I’ve been missing out on? This is what people, including my peers, get to experience when they perform? How could I have been missing this my entire life? I started looking at my classmates in passing down the halls, peering at them in class and envisioning what their bodies feel when they were singing or playing their instrument. 

I don’t ever want to take this experience for granted. Ever. I promise you I won’t. Every single person deserves to feel their body as part of themself. Every single person deserves to feel their autonomy and authority over what their body does. I feel like I HAVE to share this ability with others.  And to think that my discovery was through singing just proves that the human body is the instrument. It isn’t only your lungs and your tongue and your lips; our bodies have an abundance of gifts, and I want to help you find your share.

October 2024