Desiree’s story 

Location: Kotzebue, Alaska

Gender: female, queer/bisexual

Background: Middle Eastern/white

On my bike ride to work today, I was thinking about my identity – how it’s shifted and evolved throughout my life.  Once it felt safe to diminish myself, to slip into silence and cowering.  Later it felt safe to self-sabotage and do anything and everything to make myself unlovable.  And all of this was overtly or subtly encouraged by people who did not want this beautiful and fleeting light of mine to outshine theirs.

We are programmed to accept controlled constructs. Nature is never controlled nor constructed.  It’s not one single thing – it’s a push-and-pull between complex systems and dynamics. Nature does not need to hide, cower or diminish its power. It’s not male/female, gay/straight or any other binary. It just is. It’s countless parts of a whole. And so am I, because I am not separate from nature. 

These days, in my role as a reporter, I don’t think of myself as a sexual object. I live 30 miles above the Arctic Circle. Here the roles between men and women feel more equal. The Arctic can be very unforgiving, and it’s important to be on good terms with everyone. I rarely think about traditional gender roles, until someone tries to place me into theirs. It’s usually easy for me to ignore or dismantle them with wit and humor. 

I feel like it’s taken me forty years to feel safe enough to be honest and comfortable with who I am. Expressing it helps. 

Photos taken summer 2024