All The Genders

Tyler (Totally Tiff!)

Gender Identity: non-binary

Pronouns: Any

Sexuality: pansexual

Current home: Seward, Alaska

From: Davenport, Iowa

Interests: the Arts, outdoor pursuits, psychology 

At 5 I was a smiley, gregarious, and even flirtatious kid. The type that found immense joy in capturing fireflies on the edge of cornfields, fighting with sticks, climbing anything I could get purchase on with my skinny build. I learned that the neighbor girl was taking tap dance lessons, and I thought that sounded like fun too. Soon I learned, that was NOT an activity that conformed to expectations for a boy. And Boy George would NOT be an appropriate Halloween costume. And earrings are NOT to be worn, even if acting like a pirate. I learned how to properly sit, walk, talk, etc. or so I thought. I certainly spent energy trying to conform, yet I’d still hear “Queer!” and “Fag!” directed my way as I advanced grade by grade at a seemingly glacial pace. 

Visibility of queer individuals in my youth was so sparse that the 2% number I recall from Sex Ed seemed impossibly high.  I’d heard rumors of a male hair stylist in town that maybe didn’t like the ladies as much as they liked him, and rumors of a junior high gym teacher who looked like Susan Powter and had an indomitable spirit for teaching square dancing. Both amazing individuals, but certainly nothing I identified with.  By the end of high school I knew that a few lesbians existed in the student body, however I don’t recall any self identified gays. 

In high school I thought I’d figured it out. I had facial hair, dressed in black with work boots everyday, and put on airs as a tough. I thought it authentic at the time, in hindsight I had probably just given myself Stockholm Syndrome. My aesthetic certainly reflected my contempt for the dichotomous nature of “preppies” and “dirties” as some students would generalize. By nature of residing in a less affluent neighboring town I was a “dirty”.  Regardless, I was drawn to reinventing myself, using punk, goth, rockabilly, and raver elements, always trying to find where I fit in with this world. 

My last semester of high school I managed to make the honor roll, yet I was without clear direction upon graduation. The only real aim was to live independent of depending upon anyone for anything.  I operated in survival mode, barely having money for gas, baffled how I could repay student loans. My high school art teacher’s advice of “apply to art school” was overshadowed by the naysayers,  “you’ll never make real money making art”.  Conforming to the cultural expectations around me had left me with chronic self doubt and low self worth despite being mentioned as a person of note by the class chosen speaker at graduation, getting multiple senior superlatives, and the belief that I was as Hunter S. Thompson might say, “One of God’s own prototypes, A high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production”. For almost the entirety of my life I’ve felt and usually been the weirdest person in the room.

I took the safe route, automotive repair at community college.  I acquired skills that opened doors to other blue-collar employment. Jobs that required, breathing coal dust, pumping human waste 4000’ under the arctic ocean, working with chemicals that cut through steel, using explosives, working in temps from 115F to -105 wind chill.  And in almost all those jobs I’d encounter bigotry. Jobs where I spent time trying to prove myself against those that would criticize my choice in words, my laugh, my choice in Chapstick, or how I apply it. Yet I’d “put down the purse and dig in my heels” to make ends meet. 

Leo

Gender Identity: non-binary, queer, intersex

Pronouns: They/them

Current home: Palmer, Alaska

From: Oregon, Utqiagvik Alaska, Talkeetna Alaska 

Hello friends! My name is Leo, I use they/them pronouns and identify as non-binary, queer and intersex. I was born in Oregon but my home is Alaska. My parents moved from Oregon to Utqiagvik when I was four. We adopted my brother there and some of my earliest memories are of singing Inupiaq songs in class. We then moved to my grandfather’s farm in Talkeetna and I have fond memories of my time there. My grandfather taught me much about self reliance, being kind and respecting the earth. My family moved to the valley a few years later and I grew up mostly in Palmer, AK speeding around on my bike and climbing trees.

Palmer is where my gender and sexuality started developing between marathons of Kim Possible and watching Mulan on repeat. I knew that I wanted to be valued for my accomplishments and my strength rather than valued as a girl. If the teachers asked for a “big strong boy” to help with a task in the classroom I was the first person to stand up and do more than any other person in my class. 

I became my mother’s caretaker and my brother’s keeper at 13. I was given adult responsibility when I was a child and it is something that I’ve carried with me throughout my life – it has formed who I am both good and bad.

I struggled with bullying throughout my whole schooling experience from pre-k through high school. Something about me seemed to make people dislike me. I now know that I was a mirror and they didn’t like their reflections.  It wasn’t until college and a few broken hearts that I realized that my sexuality wasn’t straightforward like I had been conditioned to believe. And then a few years after that my gender identity followed.  Leading recently when I found out through my own research that I’m intersex as well.  

Throughout my life, I experienced a lot of trauma and through that trauma I formed like coal under pressure until I became the person I so desperately needed when I was a child. I needed someone to listen to me, to believe me, to affirm my identity and to love me unconditionally. I didn’t always receive those things but I am blessed to be able to give them freely to the clients I serve as a behavioral healthcare worker. There is nothing that gives me more joy than to be the safe person for the young people in my community and I hope I’ll continue to be that person for everyone I meet. 

Dan/Danny

Gender Identity: male/trans man

Pronouns: He/him/his

Sexuality: Pansexual and polyamorous

Current home: Alaska!

From: I was born and have spent a significant amount of time in central Minnesota. I was very lucky and grew up in this amazing state – ALASKA!

Interests: Emergency medicine, my Harley, long distance driving (driving my truck in general), my pets (dog, cat, snake), drag, hiking, camping, fishing, climbing, biking, skiing, snowboarding, … pretty much if it’s outdoors I’ll most likely love it or be willing to try it!

My name is Daniel (Dan), I grew up in Alaska. I spent most of my early 20’s and late teens in Minnesota.  Growing up, gender didn’t play a big role in my life other than when choosing clothes and when people, mostly kids, would ask if I was a boy or a girl. This didn’t bother me, I would just answer them and continue on with whatever I was doing (usually playing with friends).

I was very lucky growing up, my parents allowed my brother and I to dress how we wanted (as long as our clothes weren’t raggedy or pajamas outside) and play how we wanted as long as we were treating others kindly, obeying our parents rules, and obeying the law.

A majority of the time I was outside playing, riding bikes, skateboarding, playing catch, etc… I was always outside.  I would also choose to play video games with my brother once in a while and I enjoyed playing with my barbie collection as well. I vividly remember I would much rather be outside helping my dad with fixing things or yard work than be inside baking or cleaning with my mom.  I enjoyed time with her, but not baking and inside cleaning.

I came out to my parents as bi when I was 16, and soon after was my first girlfriend. When I was 18, thanks to the wonders of the up and coming YOUTUBE I found out what Transgender was. I did lots of research and realized that I am Transgender. I slowly came out to people who I thought I could trust and some are still friends of mine today (13 years later).  I chose not to transition until after I was in the military in 2016, when they allowed people to start transitioning. Transitioning has definitely had its ups and downs, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I have 8 year old twins and absolutely love being a dad.

I have been very lucky and only had a handful of bad experiences with people not like/agree with me being trans. Other than that, the majority of people have been amazing or just not cared one way or the other. This includes the military.

As far as day to day goes… I pass as a cis male (assigned male at birth). This makes day to day pretty easy, except when I am in a LGBTQIA+ environment, I sometimes get questioned on why I’m there, though this has gotten better with time.

Now, as a 31 yr old single with 2 kids and 8 years in the military, am getting to freely explore myself and wants.  This has been a very fun and interesting experience and chance to grow as a person. I have found that I identify with being a Pansexual, Polyamorous, Transgender male. Being trans and living in Alaska has been fairly difficult, the population in Alaska is large but the queer community is fairly small. I spend a lot of my time working at a local ER, and with the military. I spend my free time with friends and family, I enjoy going to drag shows, camping, fishing, hiking, rock climbing at the local gym, and long drives/road trips when I’m able. 

Evie

Gender Identity: transfeminine

Current home: Eagle River, Alaska

From: Alaska

Hi, I’m Evie. I’m an Alaska born transfem from Eagle River.  I live and sometimes struggle with ADHD, autism, depression and anxiety.  I work helping homeless youth in Alaska to find shelter support and maybe a place they can feel accepted and call home.

Photographer’s note:  I met Evie at a coffee shop in downtown Anchorage, and started with what I thought might be a light conversational opener, asking how they met a close friend of hers who I had photographed a couple weeks earlier.  She didn’t hesitate to briefly dive into how her friend had helped her with leaving conversion therapy, and with finding a new & safe home.  I’m not sure if I managed to hide my surprise at hearing that young people were still being forced into conversion therapy, and only a short distance south of Alaska’s main urban center too.  I learned afterward thru some research, that subjecting minors to conversion therapy is still legal in 29 states, but is often reframed under different titles; what should be an archaic practice in the psychology world that attempts to erase/cure someone of their gender and sexuality traits is still very much alive in some states.  

Some of Evie’s underlying anguish from her past experiences was still palpable in casual conversation, however, her contagious and beaming grin was winning out as I got acquainted with her quirky and beautiful personality.  She stayed relaxed in front of the camera by spinning her colorful umbrella with peacock feathers and we had fun capturing some of the colorful motion behind her.   Evie looked at home, as she gravitated towards the pine trees in a city park where she holds a lot of special memories.  She thought it important that we capture these urban pine trees in the background, expressing that the pine tree was one of the most essential and special things about Alaska, yet one of the most overlooked.  I’m happy to have met you Evie, and am glad that you are now bringing the brightest version of your light to Alaska!

Felix

Gender Identity: Transgender man

Pronouns: He/him/hit (hit=a mix of he+it)

Sexuality: Ace, Bi, Queer

Current home: Anchorage, Alaska

From: Anchorage, Alaska

Interests: writing, cooking, photography, filmmaking, reading, organizing, collecting, games, human rights, queer art, and climate change 

I was raised Catholic and homeschooled k-12; I wasn’t taught about gender or sexuality and didn’t have a word for how I was feeling until I was a Junior in high school. Since starting my gender journey I’ve used many different terms and learned it’s ok to question things and an important process to finding yourself.

I use the term trans man now, and I’m very happy but I want people to be able to look past my gender and just see Felix. I started my medical transition this year and came out to my parents around the same time. It’s felt very freeing to not have to hide from them anymore and to be completely me in all parts of my life. 

It’s been a long process to get where I am now and it hasn’t been easy, but I’ve grown a lot through it and I’m very proud of the man I am today.  There’s a lot of joy in being trans and a lot of love; it’s important to find community and keep each other safe. I love being me and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I’m so proud of all of my trans siblings, y’all are amazing and so strong  keep being you. 

PHOTOGRAPHER’S NOTE:   In a beautiful public library, Felix grabbed a book off the shelf titled “Felix Ever After,” a novel in the young adult’s section depicting the life and struggles of a Black, queer and transgender teenager. Both as a child and young adult, Felix has always found comfort in the multitude of stories from around the country and world that they have been able to access in the safe space of the libraries. 

Felix expressed that his self-confidence has grown since starting a medical transition, and sounds like it has been a rewarding and ongoing process to embrace who he is.  Thank you, Felix, for letting me capture some images of your gentle tenacity and growing self-assurance.

For anyone not local to Alaska … no, the frenzy of book bans cherry picking LGBTQ+ themes and authors off the shelves have not yet erased the diversity of Alaskan libraries (and hopefully they won’t!). Alaskan communities have definitely not been immune to this type of censorship though, which seems to be gaining more traction in recent months, but for the most part select communities (both large and small) have still been winning their battles to keep public libraries stocked with books that share multiple viewpoints and represent all members of their diverse communities.  

Kal

Gender Identity: Transgender man

Pronouns: He/him/his

Sexuality: Queer

Current home: Recently moved from Anchorage, Alaska to Texas

From: Valdez, Alaska

Cultural identity/background: Alaska Native (Inupiat, Athabascan)

Interests: Hiking, singing, acting, board games, yoga, softball, helping others 

I’ve always known that I was a boy and as soon as I could express myself I communicated my preferences to my caregivers. I made sure to tell my Grandma that “I know you like pink Grandma but I like blue” when she would buy clothing for me. She continued to try to buy me things that had frills or dresses, but eventually gave up when I refused to wear them. I didn’t experience true gender euphoria until my Auntie let me shop in the “boys” section for the first time when I was eight years old. I picked out a black button up shirt with flames on the collars (this was before Guy Fieri was famous), cargo pants, and combo long-sleeved shirt with skateboards on the arms with a short sleeve on top that had a dragon sticking out its tongue. I had never felt more myself than when I tried on those clothes. 

It makes me so happy that so many people today, especially youth are aware of pronouns and are given the opportunity to decide which pronouns they would like people to use for them. I was hyper aware of pronouns and their impact as a child because every time someone used she or her to describe me, my inner voice would say “that’s not right”. It would feel like a punch to my gut every time someone used a three-letter word about me. I am a huge advocate for how important pronouns are for everyone, regardless of their gender identity. Using someone’s correct pronouns is a small thing that makes a huge difference and shows that you care and respect someone. 

Suicide is something that I was also aware of at a young age because I wanted to die every day as young as eight years old. This wasn’t due to the fact that I am Transgender, but rather because I knew that I was living in a society where I did not feel able to be my true self. Every day I longed to wake up in a body that I could feel comfortable in and that could communicate who I was to the world. 

I almost killed myself at 16 years old, but decided to say goodbye to a good friend who lived in my neighborhood. She showed me an episode of the first season of Glee, which featured the first openly gay character in a primetime drama on television. In the episode that I watched, he came out to his father who responded by telling him that he loved and accepted him no matter what, and that he already knew. In that moment I decided that maybe the world was changing for the better and that maybe one day I could be accepted and loved for who I was (I was right)! I decided to stick around thanks to that visibility and I am forever grateful that I did. My hope is that visibility for Queer people and other marginalized identities will continue to grow because it matters incalculably. My other wish is that Queer youth and particularly Trans youth will be supported to be their true selves because doing so will save their lives. 

Shawnisty

Gender Identity Cisgendered woman

Pronouns: she/her

Current home: Anchor Point, Alaska

From: Born on the west coast of Washington, raised Anchor Point, AK

Interests: Family, singing and music, movies and TV, books, human equality, Drag

Growing up I was always the mother hen and a tomboy.  I loved my stuffed animals, Strawberry Shortcake, Rainbow Brite, GEM, and She-Ra, but not Barbie or her friends.  I would rather play with my little truck or my brother’s GI Joe and He-Man figures. My mom was always supportive of that, my dad too when he was home, but as a young person these “contradictory” things made me wonder if I was something different than what I appeared to be. 

The more I looked in on myself as I grew the more I realized that I could have all kinds of interests, because my gender didn’t define who I am as a human or what I can/should like.  That did not mean that I didn’t still feel different; I was/am still a fat girl/woman who loves singing (too bad passion doesn’t equate talent). I also love listening to music of all kinds, Sci-Fi/Fantasy, comic book heroes and villains, babies and kids, sports, walking along the beach or river, dressing up occasionally, being comfortable most other times.  I love performing as someone else on stage/other venues, but totally disliking being the center of attention 99% of the time. 

Like many others in this world, I was bullied by peers, teachers, and some “well meaning” family members because of my looks, interests, and my shyness/introvert tendencies. That hurt echoes through me every single day, but I always try to hide or ignore that pain.  I never want anyone to feel that same way, so most days I put on a smile and do my best to help others to know and feel love and support. We are all human beings after all, and it costs us nothing to be kind and accept people for who they are. But it does costs us to focus on our differences and see them as some kind of negative. It costs us human lives every single day, it nearly cost me mine.  

W.H.O. says 703,000 lives are lost every year from suicide and there are so many more attempts.  In 2019 suicide was the fourth leading cause of death for 15-29 year-olds, the range where we struggle the most with who we are or who we’re supposed to be. Obviously not all those lost or attempts are folx struggling with their identity, sexuality, or bullies, but too many are and that just breaks my heart. Why do we drain our (and other’s) energy hating, when instead we could embrace this wonderous variety of humankind.

I’m often reminded of the example that equality/respect isn’t cake, it doesn’t take anything away from your piece to give it to those around you. I guess that is what I want everyone to take away from my part in this project… love/equality/respect isn’t cake or some other finite commodity or resource, it is a boundless source of energy/love/joy so share it, spread it around so others can do the same.

Kat

Gender Identity Trans, Nonbinary, Agender

Pronouns: they/them

Sexuality: bisexual

Current home: Anchorage, Alaska

Birthplace: I was born in Florida, but came to Alaska with my family when I was 4. I grew up here in Southcentral Alaska. I spent about 5 years living in Nashville, TN but came back to Alaska a few years ago. This is my home.

Interests: I work in medical records at a mental health facility and as a transaction coordinator for a queer-owned real estate business. I just recently started exploring weightlifting to build confidence in my body movements. I haven’t been doing it long but I’m very proud of the progress I’ve made. I love reading and writing. Poetry especially. I have a collected work of poetry in zine format that explores my journey to understanding my identity and the authenticity with which I show up in the world. Finding the language to better understand myself has always been, and I think always will be a crucial part of my journey.

I’ve always identified as queer but never really came out in terms of my sexuality. Even with my history in queer relationships and community, I struggled with the coercive nature of heteronormativity.  It took me 36 years, but I finally feel as though I am bringing my whole self when I meet the world. Coming out as trans a few years ago has shown me just how important my chosen family is.  I am planning my wedding at the end of summer to my partner, Shirlie (they/she). One of my best friends is officiating and I am so grateful to be able to share this experience with people who love both of us so much. I’m also so excited to see all the creative elements we’re planning come together. I’m going to have a sword bouquet and I think that’s going to be pretty badass.

I have the immense honor of being a parent to a gender expansive kid.  Getting to witness and support a young person’s exploration and development of their self is something I honestly cannot express how deeply lucky I am to be in this place helping this person become who they are in safety and love.  The responsibility of parenthood is always overwhelming but the responsibility to show up & hold space for a kid who explores gender in an expansive way is something I know is so important. I didn’t grow up with this language, this awareness, this representation, so being able to provide a new generation with the tools and support they need to be exactly who they are is a daily healing process.

PHOTOGRAPHER’S NOTE:  My first impression of Kat was that they have an incredible command over who they are as a person at this point in their life; it shows in their words of poetry, in their confidence and body language.  Their confidence still gives so much room for curiosity about the intricacies and fluid nature of identity, as they continue to take the time to passionately learn about these intricacies.  

Kat does not hide their curiosity and jumped straight into embracing my openly blunt questions about gender when we met up at one of Anchorage’s few truly local coffee cafes (one I would end up going back to more than a few times!); the queer friendly café boasts LGBTQ+ themed books in the entrance and gives way to a cozy living room feel and several more shelves of books lining the perimeter.  We then captured some photos of Kat’s contemplative demeanor surrounded by bright, graffiti covered rocks. It was also my first time visiting this colorful, coastal corner of Anchorage, whose layers upon layers of graffiti seem to change from one week to the next. The beach park serves as a quirky and fun respite from the city’s bustling, but still regularly reminds you of its urban surroundings every 10-20 minutes as airplanes fly in low with a deafening roar to land nearby.  Thank you Kat for showing me this fun, beautiful gem in your city, and for taking this challenging journey to be the best version of you! 

Phenix

Gender Identity non-binary, genderqueer

Pronouns: they/them/xe/xim

Sexuality: asexual panromantic

Current home: Wasilla, Alaska

Birthplace: Fort Lauderdale, Florida

I was adopted by a southern Baptist minister when I was 3. I grew up in deep, east Texas. Trauma and abuse was the way my adoptive family dealt with everything, including an autistic child with ADHD.  

From the age of 5, I knew I was different. I didn’t want to be a girl. I wanted to be a boy. I refused to play with girl toys and hated Barbie especially. I would steal my brothers action figures and play with them. I really wouldn’t even play with my sister, because she wanted to play with dolls. I was a tomboy and it was tolerated for a while, since I lived in the country.  I always had to wear dresses and conform to gender roles when we went anywhere, but at home I could play outside and get dirty.  I never grew out of it like they hoped. 
Even as a teenager I was gender nonconforming. I wasn’t given any kind of sex education so I didn’t know I was asexual until I was in my 30s and a mother of 3. I was devastated that I had forced myself into heteronormative behavior to fit in. 

 In 2019, I truly began to explore my identity and sexuality. It’s been a long road to find myself while healing from all the traumas I have been through. During the process I found my true passion as well.  In 2020, I started painting to help my mental health.  Turning my grief and sadness from the loss of a child in 2021, and my own lost childhood into something beautiful is my favorite way to cope. I have also written a book about healing from abuse. Using what I have learned to help others is what keeps me going. I came out officially last year on my birthday. 

After my daughter passed, I knew my only chance at happiness and life was authenticity.  I knew that I had to be the real me for the first time no matter how scary. It may have taken me most of my life to figure out who I am, but I know now.  Now I live freely and it is worth it. 

PHOTOGRAPHER’S NOTE:  I loved being able to capture some glimpses of Phenix’s resilient spirit that has already overcome a lifetime of steep challenges.  Phenix glowed as they told the stories & backgrounds of some of their art pieces around their home, a passion that has unmistakably been a strong healing force in their life.  Their tone shifted as they pointed out in a blue toned painting how their daughter’s hair looked shortly before she passed away; it was clearly a vivid visual memory that seemed therapeutic to record with a canvas and paint.  Phenix shared another art piece spread out over three panels; the emotions recorded in this piece seemed to jump off the panels as they described working through emotional turmoil and trauma shortly after her daughter’s sudden passing as well. 

It took Phenix only a few moments after picking up a paintbrush to look completely at peace with themselves and their surroundings in the mosquito laden summer air, seeming to come back to most genuine version of who Phenix is.  Painting is a passion they have only found in the past few years, and seemed to be at ease painting emotions that reflect the most genuine version of themself in the fitting image of a rising phoenix.  Thank you Phenix, for sharing your art, and sharing vulnerable parts of your story with the world.  

Quinn

Gender Identity: trans man

Pronouns: he/him

Sexuality: bisexual

Current home: Anchorage, Alaska

From: Anchorage, Alaska

Interests: Peer support, nature walks, Pokemon

I didn’t always know I was trans. Growing up, gender was irrelevant to me from the time I was born to about 8 or so. Even then I didn’t have a strong sense of my gender. I played with Barbies, and me and my little brother would play Barbies and Batman. I wore dresses only on school picture day and those didn’t feel quite right, but that was my only indication that I was different from other people. I just thought that everyone was like that. 

It was while I was going through my first puberty that I started to realize that I was different. All my life I was scared to be different and so I suppressed it. I wore clothes that I thought were acceptable for a girl and I hid everything that made me ME. That led to me being very depressed most of my teenage years. I didn’t think I would make it to 18. 
It was only when I came out to myself that things started getting better. When I started T at the beginning of 2019, I felt more complete than I ever have been. I got both my hysterectomy and my top surgery done at the end of 2022; while my top surgery isn’t perfect, it fits my body. I love my scars and eventually I plan to get cherry blossoms tattooed by them to accentuate them. I have cut my hair before; while I do love having short hair, I started growing it out in 2020 and I’ve come to realize just how much I love my long hair. Everything about me feels right and while I’m thankful for the medical interventions I’ve had, the bigger piece was and is loving myself as I am. As trans people, we’re taught to hate ourselves and our bodies and we don’t deserve that. We deserve love and acceptance just as much as cis folks do. It’s an act of love to change yourself to fit in your body, not an act of hate.    

PHOTOGRAPHER’S NOTE:  I kept running into Quinn at different Pride events around Alaska after he reached out to me online.  What always strikes me about Quinn (other than his creatively bright hairstyles!), is that he is unapologetically himself in every way; a characteristic that can take half a life time for many other adults further along in their life journey to find. 

Quinn did not hesitate to share just a few of the tough experiences he has already gone through in his relatively young life. After walking out to a section of Anchorage’s coastline through some beautiful forest, Quinn asked if he could do a few shirtless photos, and felt like we captured a beautiful moment where he could just take a deep breath of ocean air as the most genuine version of himself.  The expansive, textured mudflats in the inlet behind him underly some of the greatest tidal changes in the world; it’s a landscape that stays the same at its core from day to day, but also undergoes a rapid transformation twice daily, in a way defining and making this dynamic landscape of Alaska what it is.   Quinn is no longer boxing himself in by traditional gender norms, and has gone through the hard work both internally and externally to be the best version of himself. It shows that he takes this work seriously, even pursuing training for a career that helps other people who are still navigating challenging journeys. Thank you for being so vulnerable Quinn and sharing your story.  

David

Gender Identity: cisgendered man

Pronouns: he/they

Sexuality: gay/queer

Current home: Anchorage, Alaska

From: I was originally born in southern Idaho and spent a little bit of time in Anchorage, Alaska, as a baby, before splitting time between Portland and Eugene, OR as a young boy. I moved back up to Anchorage permanently in 2003

Interests: I am passionate for all things social justice, civics, and community. My career is young, but I’ve managed to more-or-less build it around those passions, and I’m grateful to get to say that. I currently work in marketing for a local community development non-profit. I am the board secretary for The Queen’s Guard. When I’m not doom-scrolling on my phone in my off-time from work and/or volunteering, I can usually be found puttering around my house, daydreaming, travelling locally, nationally, and internationally, reading, trying to cook a new recipe, infodumping on someone, hiking/playing outside, or doing fun stuff with my friends and family. I’m pretty obsessed with my dog, Coco, too.

I was born on the autism spectrum, and the older I get, the more I realize how it’s always made me different. I never quite understood exactly why boys had to do “boy things.” (Does joy really have a gender?…)  As a kid, I loved playing Barbies, wearing dresses, and listening to “girly” music, just as much as I wanted to be a hockey player and play in the mud. I never quite felt 100% like a boy; I present masculine and I identify as cis, but even as a small child I knew that gender norms were made up and baseless. Moreover, I’ve always loved the more feminine parts of me. But unfortunately, bullying’s a huge part of my history; because of my autism, I wasn’t able to “mask” very well (and still can’t), but enough gender-shaming, coupled with growing up in a less progressive time in our culture, I learned to (at least try to) suppress my natural femininities, and even came to internalize shame around being myself as a whole. It took me until my junior year of university to definitively accept that I am a man who loves men, and that 100% of attempts at “acting straight” are miserably futile, and it took just about as long to love myself for being autistic, too. I’m grateful to report today that I have a supportive family and community, and have experienced relationships that have been good for my heart and soul.

I’m on an ever-continuing journey towards self-love, particularly with my autism. It wasn’t until the pandemic, and a string of bad professional experiences and personal relationships, that I realized that it doesn’t serve me to be “normal” to appease the sensibilities of others. I realized that I am born the way I am, my needs are what they are, my differences make me the person that I am, and because of that, I am valid and whole and worthy of no less than love, respect, inclusion, and dignity. Being disabled isn’t the same thing as being incapable, and I’m proud of the life and community I’m building for myself.

I love me. Me in all my queerness. Me in my soft masculinity and femininity. Me in my all my neurodivergence. Taking up space in the world, as nature and fate intended.

Nikki

Gender Identity: I feel more fluid

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: queer/lesbian

Current home: Homer, Alaska

From: Yakima, Washington

Interests: reading, jewelry, puzzles

I am from Yakima Washington and spent my younger years there.  My family then moved to Florida, and as an adult I lived in St. Petersburg/Tampa and Fort Myers.  I am also a mom; I have 2 kids, a boy and a girl.  

For a lot of my life, I assumed I was just bisexual and that is not the case.   I moved here to Alaska with my partner and had always wanted to move here; her family is also here and she had been wanting to return, so it worked out well for our combined future goals.  

I am the CAC (Children’s Advocacy Center) family advocate for Haven House here in Homer; I love my work and my colleagues, they feel like family. 

In my spare time, I love to read, make jewelry, and do puzzles with my partner.  I also enjoy my social media; as a matter of fact my partner and I met on TikTok.  I am loving Homer, everyone for the most part really is so kind and open and accepting, I look forward to putting down roots and marrying my partner here. 

PHOTOGRAPHER’S NOTE:  As we scouted out the numerous dandelion patches between the scattered driftwood, Nicole shared a beautiful dandelion tattoo on her forearm with fluttering birds. I loved hearing about the history behind her decision to get this beautiful piece of art inked into her skin, and the happy memories she associates with dandelions.   

As we enjoyed the beach, she talked about why she and her partner decided to make their exit from her home in Florida, where more than a few LGBTQ people are quietly and sadly migrating to other states, sometimes as far as Alaska. Part of me is saddened to hear people are feeling they are no longer safe in states where they grew up, but was glad to have the opportunity to capture some glimpses of Nicole’s enthusiasm and passion for her beautiful new home, and for her job that involves tireless support of young people in need. Thank you Nicole, for everything you’re doing in your new home, and for the effort you put into letting LGBTQ youth in your community know that they are also welcome and supported. 

Layla

Gender Identity: trans woman

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: pansexual

Current home: Kenai, Alaska

From: Wrangell & Juneau, AK, Seattle, WA

Interests: live action role play, playing other games, writing, photography, sightseeing

Hi, my name is Layla.  I’m a pansexual trans woman who currently lives in Kenai Alaska, but with plans to move. I was born in Colorado, but have lived in Alaska ever since I was 2 months old.  My parents moved to Wrangell, Alaska at an early age, as that’s where my dad was from. We lived there for about a year and a half until they moved back to Seattle.   They lived with me as a baby, and when I was three my dad unfortunately passed away from an overdose. 

My mom then took me and moved back to Wrangell, Alaska with my dad’s parents. We lived there until I was about nine when we moved to Juneau and lived there for a year before finally settling on the Kenai Peninsula.  Fast forward, and here I am now with my amazing partner.  

My one main passion is LARP (Live Action Role Play).  I play with an international organization known as Amtgard; it’s a fast paced form of LARP that mixes foam sword combat and fantasy. With Amtgard, you can be whoever you want to be, whoever you identify as, in a safe environment with fellow players who just want to have fun, be nerdy and whack each other with foam swords. Amtgard to me is a safe place where anyone who is queer can find an acceptance and community that is almost like family.  It was the first group I came out to as trans.   When I’m not larping, I love other hobbies such as playing games, writing, little bit of photography, and a little bit of sightseeing. Most of the time I spend with my partner when he’s not deployed with his main job and passion.

Photographer’s Note: A theme that Layla kept coming back to is that “there is a place for everyone” in her LARP’ing group (Live Action Role Play), whether it be making costumes, actively role playing, or taking a leadership position in the group and organization.  While I was walking through the town park here looking for her Amtguard group, it was hard to miss a somewhat sparsely attended “counter-event” to a Pride event (which was hosted here the day before); the thinly veiled homophobic and transphobic messages hanging on the tent’s banners didn’t create a space I wanted to stay in for long, and hurried my pace towards the swinging foam swords on the other end of the park.  Layla’s group, although displaced by the protest event that day, had a refreshing vibe in comparison, with more than a few other members of the group also putting a heartfelt emphasis on how important it is that their group is welcoming towards people of all genders and all other backgrounds.  

Carina

Gender Identity: transgender woman

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: lesbian

Current home: Juneau, Alaska

From: Wichita, Kansas

Cultural Identity/background: Muscogee Nation

Interests: I try to do a lot of creative writing, but I’m also a full-time student of Indigenous Studies so a lot of my time goes to that. I love being able to travel and meet people. I host board game and D&D nights whenever possible.

About 6 years ago I was driving across town screaming at my windshield. I was in the middle of one of the worst dysphoria episodes I had ever experienced at that point in my life, and they were only getting more intense and frequent. A wave of exhaustion crashed over me and I suddenly knew in my bones that I wouldn’t last much longer; dysphoria was going to kill me, probably within 5-7 years.

I didn’t know the word transgender until I was in high school, but one of my earliest memories was having a dream when I was around 4 years old that my parents had found a doctor who could fix that I wasn’t a girl. Unfortunately, that was paired with a memory from that same time period of my non-dream mother making it unmistakably clear that I could never be a girl.  So, while I’ve known my whole life that I’m trans, I always understood my trans-ness as a shameful aberration, as something inherently wrong and broken about me.

I spent a lot of time and effort trying to obliterate my trans-ness, especially as I got older, and more enmeshed in the conservative religion I had been raised in. Even when I realized that I couldn’t survive life in the closet, I was unwilling to entertain the idea of transitioning, since it would represent defeat in the war I’d been waging against myself.

I was drunk when I came out for the first time, I probably would never have said anything otherwise. I don’t remember doing it, I just remember laying in bed afterwards panicking about what had just happened. I had a supportive environment while I figured out what to do and ultimately decided to give myself a “Netflix free trial” year of transitioning. I wasn’t sure if I could live with myself for transitioning, after all of the work I had done to avoid it, but I was very sure I couldn’t live if I didn’t try. Within 6 months I knew I was on the right path.

My journey has been less about trying to define my gender than it has been about allowing myself to live in my gender. The world had been an inhospitable place and much of my first year of transitioning was defined by trying to heal from what I had done to myself in cooperation with that world. I’m still working on it, but my once tentative steps into being me have turned into bold strides.

I just celebrated my third “Birthday” the other day and during my celebration I remembered that drive where I had faced my death. I’m right in the middle of the range where my future disappeared, but I can’t imagine my life ending now. I am living the life that 4-year-old me dreamed of living, and I am just so happy to be here. 

Reece

Gender identity: Trans Nonbinary Femme 

Sexuality: Queer/Pansexual

Pronouns: She/Her/They/Them

Current home: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

From: Born & raised in Hong Kong

Interests/work: non-profit work, human rights, passion for advocacy in terms of disability & accessibility, thoughtful humanist designs, thrifted/sustainable fashion, easily moved by music & lyrics, love to sing and dance, enjoy being close to the ocean, foodie

I was 4 years old when I remember feeling the discomfort of being different from my peers. I knew I wasn’t a boy, but I didn’t have the language to advocate for myself. I grew up in a very religious traditional household in Hong Kong. My upbringing revolved around getting good-ish grades, attending church, upholding Christian-Chinese values, and always making sure I impressed my parents. 

I kept so much of my queer identity hidden because I was not ready to face the reaction of my family: shame, anger, disappointment & disownment. I practiced the role of being a good faithful, pious, and religious child all my life, so I continued doing that all the way until my mid-20s. 

My life fell apart in 2014 with the tragic passing of my mother. It was the most difficult thing I had to endure, but it also became the catalyst for many changes to come. I had broken up with my closeted relationship with an ex, I came out as “gay” to my family & friends, I made changes to my appearance (hello purple hair and skimpy tank tops!), I left the church and broadened my circle of friends and chosen family, and then I met my soulmate and moved to Halifax, Nova Scotia for over 5 years.

During my time in Halifax, my trans egg cracked even more. I was finally free to dictate my life how I saw fit. My partner’s support and the queer friends I made in the city helped me to come into my own. I came out for a second time: as a nonbinary person. It was not easy coming out since most people don’t fully understand gender identity still, but it made total sense to me.

Embracing my nonbinary identity provided me with the space to express myself and become more feminine. I grew my hair out and started officially transitioning socially, legally, medically, and spiritually. And during this transformation, I am reminded of my 4-year-old self, acknowledging that I was born in the wrong body. I have always been trans.

Today, I live my life out loud as a proud transfeminine person. It’s not always easygoing and carefree, but I get to live my truth, take up space, and finally return to who I’ve always been.  

Cole

Gender identity & Sexuality: non-binary, gay

Pronouns: them/them (human)

Current home: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

From: Calgary, Alberta, Canada

Interests/work: political science, human rights and arts

ORIGINS:  I come from a humble upbringing in Calgary, Alberta, where I lived almost all of my life.  In Calgary, I lived with my father, brother, grandmother, and sometimes mother.  My understanding of my origins is rather limited.  I resented that my mother was unable to be there for her children due to her battle with addictions and personal demons; in later years I’ve forgiven her and personally believe her actions to be a result of the disenfranchisement of the indigenous population in Canada.  

GENDER IDENTITY:   I came out of the closet as a gay man in 2010 shortly after my father passed away and I had ongoing battles with depression and suicidal ideation.  After being admitted to the hospital, I discovered a side of me I had not explored before with another guy who was gay.  After this, I tried to be every stereotype of a gay person because I was looking for a community where I belonged.  I would often dress up in a feminine manner with makeup and the whole nine yards, until I dusted off an old suit, cut off my hair myself, then looked in the mirror and told myself “this is me.”  I see clothing as a way of expressing who you are and what you’re trying to convey to the world.  Recently I’ve thought of myself as “human” more than anything else.  I believe the boundaries of how we portray and define gender and sexuality are passe and need to be challenged to create more inclusive and healthy environments for everyone to thrive.   

THEN AND NOW:  When I found my group of people it was oddly in a place that I had not ever considered which was musical theatre and choir.  I sang with the Calgary Men’s Chorus and Mount Royal Artio, a group that defined the word “fearless” and reinvented what choral singing could be.  To this day, I remain grateful for the experiences, friends, acquaintances, inspiration and confidence that Artio gave me. 

In 2018, I had many unfortunate circumstances that kept me from doing what I truly wanted to do in life and unfortunately suffered from a bout of depression that led to suicidal ideation.  This also happened to be the year where I would challenge many things for myself and enter into a loving relationship that saved my life; while the relationship ended I’m very grateful for the memories I’ve shared.  For the first time ever I’ve gotten to travel across Western Canada and appreciate things I didn’t before.  Of my favorite memories was a trip throughout northern Saskatchewan and Riding Mountain National park in Manitoba.  With a love of nature, birds, photography and activism, I’m now writing a new story in Vancouver, British Columbia. 

Aramesh

Gender identity: gender queer

Pronouns: he/they

Sexuality: queer

Current home: Coquitlam, British Columbia, Canada

From: Vancouver

Interests/work: I love to travel and learn other people’s culture, feel the rhythm of the music and dance, take pictures of the moment and landscape cause photos are a beautiful thing to keep, nature walks (we need to be with nature to be in balance of the hectic work life).

Photographer’s notes on Aramesh’s story:  Aramesh greeted me at a Starbucks in downtown Vancouver next to vibrantly blooming tulip beds and cherry blossom trees, with a beaming smile and a slight air of confidence that had a story behind it.  Why am I relaying some of their story for them?  Well, they initially sent me the wonderfully concise summary above; after meeting up I discovered that they recently had some life changing journeys and experiences that they were eager to share – they expressed that the difficulty with writing things down in a short “bio” was narrowing down what to share!  So, he didn’t hesitate to give me permission to share parts of our conversation.

Aramesh expressed having some difficulty really finding himself as an openly queer person during gradeschool and into high school.   Aramesh had a slightly mischievous and delighted grin as they described loving to paint their nails at a young age (this is where their mom drew the line haha), and later enjoying more touches of feminine expression that came with growing their hair long and selecting fashionable outfits with care.  

What was intended to be a short one month trip partly to visit his mother’s family in Mexico, ended up being an unexpectedly long (thanks to Canadian COVID travel restrictions!), 10 month “gap year” trip to Mexico as a solo traveler that turned into what sounds like a life changing experience. Aramesh described experiences that gave them a tremendous amount of room to grow, connect with himself, make meaningful connections with others, and openly be himself without some of the social expectations attached to gender and sexuality that he grew up with. 

One of the people they connected with during their travels was their first significant romantic crush; this special connection among many others played intricate roles in helping them embrace their internal sense of self, their own “feminine spirit” in relation to others (being attracted to more masculine expressing people), as well as continuing the beautiful journey of embracing their sexuality in different ways.

Cal (Calvin)

Gender identity: transman

Pronouns: he/him

Current home: Washington

From: Colorado, Wisconsin

Interests/work: relationship coach, traveling, staying active, eating delicious food, adventures of all kinds

I remember really feeling my gender dissonance at age 7.  Grief over not having the body I wanted was something I cried about a lot as a kid and a secret only my sister knew about. 

At 7, I already knew it wasn’t safe to be me, to live my truth, and I felt so sad about hiding.  I believed I was destined to just be miserable born in this body.  I was AFAB and drawn to sports, Transformers, Hot Wheels, Lego, but it wasn’t supported much by my primary parental figures. I used to be forced into dresses on Sundays and would risk being yelled at, and sometimes even spankings to just have the ability to wear pants and allow my true self the ability to exist.

I spent much of my life managing that part of me and trying to find ways to express it in more “acceptable” ways.  Embracing all the tomboy I could until the time I recognized that I was REALLY attracted to women. While that was also a scary step, at least being able to express myself as a butch lesbian was a big step toward living my authenticity…. But it turned out to not be enough.

As my former wife and I journeyed down the path of creating and growing our family, my gender dissonance grew. I knew clearly that I didn’t want to be identified with a feminine parental name.  My insta-kid and my firstborn are AMAB, and somehow the combination of the 2 things created the internal chaos I (apparently) needed to allow my truth, Calvin, the ability to finally exist.  So, I took action in finally honoring this huge part of me.  While it’s had its difficult moments, and it’s changed my relationship with many people in my life, I have never felt happier and more comfortable in my own skin.  If I believed in regret, my only regret would have been… not doing it sooner.

I will be forever grateful for my courageous choice to just be me.

*AFAB=assigned female at birth *AMAB=assigned male at birth 

Jeni

Gender identity: femme-presenting gender queer

Pronouns: she/her/they/them

Sexuality: greysexual queer

Current home: Auburn, Washington

From: West Bend, Wisconsin

Interests/work: I’m a relationship nerd! (And relationship coach, educator, author and co-owner at PowerfuLove! (www. powerfulove.com)) I love trees, being barefoot on soft grass, and swinging in a hammock on a warm day. I love reading, writing, traveling, letterboxing, and inspiring people to what’s possible in life and love.

My gender journey has very much intersected with my sexuality journey. As a young person, I think I was very free to play with gender expression. I was the tomboy who climbed trees and caught frogs in the swamp as much as I was the girl who loved skirts that flared out wide when you spun in circles. I didn’t think much about my gender, actually, until I realized in my 20’s that I wasn’t heterosexual.

Oddly, as a cis-gender, heterosexual, monogamously identified woman… I felt very fluid in my gender expression, but as soon as I recognized that I was NOT heterosexual, that all changed. I got pulled into my perceived narratives about what it meant to be gay. I cut off my hair, ditched my skirts, and leaned hard into the butch lesbian stereotype (though I couldn’t give up makeup at that time…) 

All that changed when I met Calvin who was, at the time we met, a full-on butch lesbian. And in his masculine energy, he made it clear that his preference was for the feminine. This was new for me, and while parts of me resisted, I also liked him SO much that I was willing to allow some of my femininity back into the picture… 

And for a long time, when I was around Calvin, my feminine gender expression was privileged and my queer and masculine parts got set aside. Fortunately, as both he and I continued to evolve, we recognized the beautiful space for all expressions of gender within each of us. 

Now, though I still present rather feminine most of the time, the thing I’ve ditched are the stereotypes. I give myself permission to be unapologetically ME, however,I decide to express that on any given day. I don’t need labels or explanations, and I find that the binary of gender doesn’t serve or fit me. So I rest happily in the ambiguous space of queer (both in my gender and sexuality) while acknowledging also the privilege that comes with my typical cis-femme presentation. 

For a long time I identified primarily with being trans – I have always felt a lot of kinship with other people who are trans or have had complex gender journeys. The practice of moving between or within genders is what matters – I think that experience ties trans people together more than the specific places that we land. 

I grew up in Pennsylvania, and right now I’m living in Wyoming. I’ve also lived in Alabama, New Mexico, Arizona, Montana, Washington DC, and a few different parts of New England. My work takes me to a lot of remote areas and small communities, where it can sometimes be really challenging to be openly queer. It can also be really awesome, and the connections I’ve made with other queer people – and with people who don’t know anyone queer – living in those places are great. High risk, high reward!

The smartest thing I’ve ever seen anyone say about gender, from a post somewhere on the internet: “Almost all adults have a different gender identity than they did when they were children. ‘Boy’ and ‘girl’ aren’t the same genders as ‘man’ and ‘woman.’” I was a girl and now I’m a man. That may not be typical, but it doesn’t change anything about my life as a girl or my life as a man.